Oh, hi, guys. I am in a terrible mood. Actually, I am JUST in a newly bad mood. This morning, I was all abuzz with coffee. Then I got to work, realized my sweet double time and a half dream paycheck was messed up. And, crash and burn. Now the rage is just intensified by the coffee. The term bitch on wheels could be made for me, if I had skates. Or sexy roller derby gear. But, my work life pretty much couldn't suck anymore than it does.
I'd like to talk more about Christmas songs. Because they also play ALL THE TIME at work. Why are most Christmas songs so dumb? I mean, Christmas is dumb. But hey, walkin' in a winter wonderland, way to use meadow imagery wrong. Meadows to me remind me of springtime and greenery. Not a place to build a snowman. and then pretending he is some Rev. to marry you? How messed up is that. If any jerk says, oh, baby, let's dress this snow man up like a priest and pretend to say our nuptials, break up with him. He's obviously trying to get in your pants. Vows made before snowmen, even ones wearing reverend gear, are not legally binding in the United States, with the possible exception of Alaska.
Rockin Around the Christmas tree is a lie. Maybe my family sucks, but we do no rocking around any sort of tree. There is no dancing. Do any of you dance around with your families? Am I left out? My ex boyfriend's family was awesome and very Christmasy. He however, was not awesome. He thought the idea of white Christmas always should involve cocaine. But his nice family would sit around and play charades and then sing the 12 days of Christmas. I'd always get a big part because I hate to sing in front of people. So they thought it was cute to give me five golden rings for six years. I miss them. Anyways, don't get me started on the 12 days of Christmas presents. What a bunch of crap. No one wants 9 ladies dancing, six geese a layin would make the biggest mess ever and I think only the Steelers can get away with wearing five golden rings. Its like presents you get from your grandma. Except I don't get presents from my grandma. She doesn't celebrate Christmas since it became competition for Jesus. Instead, the only thing she does to acknowledge it, is hang a HUGE, billboard size, sign on her porch that says, Happy Birthday, Jesus. Then she shines a spot light on it. But, your grandma, might buy you presents. And I hope they are ugly, or the fact that mine doesn't do it would sting a little more.
Or Santa Baby. Man, what a whore that girl is. I kinda like it. Santa Clause would be the sweetest sugar daddy.
The New PostSecret Book
11 years ago
3 comments:
Kate, I feed off your bitterness and Christmas-bashing.
I can only tolerate—tolerate—Christmas music the week of the event that, contrary to what your grandma thinks, has very little to do with this "Baby Jesus" you speak of.
I know! I don't even think jesus CARES that people are celebrating his birthday. He's SO OLD. He must have given up getting excited for presents or whatever somewhere in 93 a.d. I mean, if he got jealous of the fact that he has to share his birthday with such idol worship as santa, he's kinda missing the point of what his whole schtick is, right?
People who hate Christmas suck. If I didn't feel bad for you, Kate, that you were already working on Christmas, then I would tell you that I wished you had to. I hated being in college and having a bunch of enlightened atheists talking about how there is no God, and therefore no Jesus. I just wanted to punch them (or turn the other cheek) and tell them that they should have to go to school during Christmas break while I celebrate the birth of my savior. I hate atheists most all of the time throughout the year, and yeah, I hate zealots too, but if there is one time I don't want to be reminded of either extreme, let it be Christmas. I just want to see people happy. And for about two days out of the year, most people generally are. So this is Christmas...and I love it. I love the songs and the lights. I love the incurred debt and the mistletoe. I love Santa. And Jesus for putting up with Santa stealing some of his spotlight. And I love Darlene Love right about this time of year. Sorry for this comment. It should could as the two that I owe you. It is long. Merry Christmas. And Happy Birthday Jesus.
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